Aug 062012
 

Kuulge, täitsa lõpp, ma olen IKKA erutatud. No see Bondi teema ei saa ju kuidagi meelest minna, kui ma muudkui vanu filme vaatan (praegu lõpetan just Thunderballi).

Lugesin täna Skyfalli IMDB lehelt kõikvõimalikku infot ja no ei jõua ära oodata. Nii põnev!

Siis lugesin Quantum of Solace’i kriitikat, neid kommentaare IMDB-s, mille autoriteks olid ühe punktiga hinnanud. No ausõna, ma pidin suurest naerust püksi tegema, need olid nii tabavalt kirjutatud :D Lugesin paari ülistavat kommentaari ka – üldistades tundub, et need, kellele film meeldis, neile see meeldiski FILMINA. Aga enamiku tõeliste Bondi-fännide jaoks, kellele on filmides olulised teatud kohustuslikud elemendid, oli see film suur pettumus. Suvaline märul, mitte Bond.

Mulle suvalised märulid ei meeldi. Bond meeldib mulle just sellepärast, et vägivald on võrdlemisi elegantne, Bond on seks ja teravmeelne, M ja Q ja Moneypenny ja ägedad tehnikavidinad ja autod ja muidugi ilusad naised… Oh. Selline peab üks Bond olema ja mul on tunne, et Skyfalli puhul on eelmise filmi kriitikat kuulda võetud. Muidugi jah, juba see, et M-iga on jälle mingi personaalne teema seotud ja tema mineviku pärast vms hunnik inimesi tapetakse, see on üsna feil. Saagu juba üle ja jätku “omad” rahule – mõelgu mõni võõras kurikael välja, kes lihtsalt maailma vallutada tahab, nagu vanadel headel aegadel. Ja et Bond ikka teravmeelitseks, mitte mornilt ei mossitaks ning  ohtralt ringi seksiks, selle asemel, et ära armuda või üldse mitte naistest huvituda.

No lootus alati jääb, eks :D

Aga rääkige teie, milline on teie lemmik Bond? Ja millised on teie meelest parimad ja halvimad Bondi-filmid?

Mina ei saa Brosnanist üle ega ümber. Ma lihtsalt ei saa parata, et minu jaoks on ta kõige seksim meesnäitleja üldse, samas kui ülejäänud Bondid ei tekita minus mingit tõmmet. Connery on neist kõige normaalsem (aga minu jaoks siiski mitte pandav :D), Moore jätab täiesti külmaks, Daltonist ja Lazenbyst parem ei hakka rääkimagi.

Goldeneye oli mu meelest väga hea film ja Tomorrow Never Dies meeldis peaaegu sama palju. The World Is Not Enough hakkas ära vajuma ja Die Another Day oli juba üsna ebaõnnestunud – liiga sünge, mulle EI meeldi sünged märulid. Liiga palju piinamist ja üldist maailmavalu ei ole mu meelest üldse bondilik.

Aa, aga räägime Bondi-tüdrukutest ka. Mis te neist arvate? Kuna ma vanu filme alles vaatan, siis ma nende vanemate kohta ei oska hetkel suurt midagi öelda. Aga alates Brosnanist… No enamjaolt on filmis kaks sellist peamist naistegelast, kellega Bond sebib – üks osutub pahaks või saab lihtsalt surma, teine on siis see põhiline. Aga näiteks esimeses kolmes Brosnani filmis oli see teisejärguline naine mu meelest seksikam kui peamine. No Michelle Yeoh oli tegelikult päris äge, aga Denise Richards kohe üldse ei meeldi. Viimases Brosnani filmis oli muidugi see paha minu meelest üsna kole ja Halle Berry on üldiselt päris seks, aga ma täpselt ei mäletagi, kuidas ta Bondi-tüdrukuna välja mängis, peab üle vaatama.

Viimase filmi naistest mäletan vaid üht, kes plakatil oli, ei jätnud erilist muljet (aga olgem ausad, ma kippusin seda filmi vaadates üldse magama jääma)… Casino Royale punapea Eva Green – issand, tema on kõige seksim Bond-girl üldse! Kahju, et just tema ära tapeti :D

Ah, üks asi veel, mis mulle üldse ei meeldi – lugesin Skyfalli FAQ-d ja seal spekuleeriti selle üle, et tegu on Judi Denchi viimase M-i rolliga. ÕNNEKS on see vaid spekulatsioon, ma pole veel lootust kaotanud. Sest ma armastan Judi Denchi M-i, ta on ka tõeliselt seks. No ma saan aru, et vana juba ja nii, aga ta on mu meelest NII COOL!

Ja see uus Q, ma ei saa temast üle ega ümber. Iga päev vaatan Skyfalli treilerit ja kigisen mõnust. Mulle tundub, et ta lihtsalt meeldib mulle oma välimuselt ja olemuselt, on ehk isegi pandavam kui Craig :D Desmond Llewelyn oli klassikaline Q ja kah äge, aga see tüüp, kes pärast tema surma ühes filmis oli, oli üsna mõttetu. Nüüd on noor seks poiss, kes vähemalt niipea ära ei sure, tema loodetavasti jääb kauaks.

Aga teate mis, ma olen lõpuks Craigiga ära harjunud ja ta on minu meelest juba täitsa Bondi nägu. Brosnani vastu muidugi ei saa, aga vanadest Bondidest igatahes seksikam. Peaasi, et nad talle nüüd normaalsemad filmid kirjutaks, kus ta ikka elu ja naisi nautida ka saaks, mitte ainult sünge näoga ringi tormata ja kättemaksu otsida.

Tuleks november juba kiiremini!

Aga ma ei saa, ma panen siia lõppu mõned head kommentaarid Quantum of Solace’i kohta. Juhuks, kui keegi on siin veel nii suur Bondi-fänn ja nii rängalt selles filmis pettunud kui minagi :P

I have seen bad James Bond movies. I have seen Bond fight a midget in THE MAN WITH THE GOLDEN GUN, pigeons doing double takes in MOONRAKER, a villain flapping his arms trying to fly in MOONRAKER, Bond hanging from a swinging firetruck ladder while making cartoon sounds in A VIEW TO A KILL, and a middle-aged Bond exchanging cringe-worthy sexual quips with a middle-aged Madonna in DIE ANOTHER DAY. But no Bond film has ever been as unpleasant, distasteful, headache-inducing (in every action scene) and witlessly bad as QUANTUM OF SOLACE.

Now I can take a gritty hard-boiled Bond, and Daniel Craig is very good. But a charmless monotone Bond trudging through two of the poorest nations on the planet after a laughably lame little French villain who can’t even dispose of his ex-mistress, partly due to a Jim Carrey lookalike henchman who’s literally tripped up by Bond’s female assistant then wears a neck brace for the duration of the movie, these things just exhaust one. Sean Connery’s Bond would have shot “Dominick Greene” before the opening credits on the way to fight Goldfinger, Largo, Blofeld or some real badass villain. And after spying in Haiti and Bolivia, I expected Bond to go to Darfour next for some more pleasant scenery.

You would think you can escape the sheer inanity of the plot, the phony action, the Opra-esquire oppressive mood, the horrible settings, and the lousy character support by enjoying the requisite Bond girls. Sorry but there are none. Well there are two pretty women who alternately hang around the droopy Bond sharing no chemistry or seductive charm with him. Bond only perfunctorily sleeps with one of them, not even bothering to charm her, before resuming his confusing dreary mission and pathetic moping with girl number two.

/—/

In 21 previous Bond films, one could really like the British super spy. His character, his smartness, some cool one liners, and yes, Ms. Broccoli, we the audience loved the gadgets. We loved Moneypenny, Q and M. Why did you take it all away? Why? We may never know…

This Bond is just another action flick with a really mediocre storyline. For heavens sake, change the characters name, and you are not in one single moment reminded of the great super spy. Why bother then? 

For the action: Filming hand held and edit MTV style does not mean action automatically! The great Frankenheimer knew that, when he filmed some of the best car chases in “Ronin”, Foster probably never saw that classic….

For a reminder, since it comes up so many times in reviews on IMDb, Bond and Borne are two completely different franchises. Borne is chasing after his history, while Bond is saving the world. Just because Borne was such a huge success, don’t try imitate him. Arrgh what a terrible film, it is such a shame. Regardless of what the box office says! 

P.S. and then you even dare to take away the gun barrel montage in the beginning, and no more “Bond, James Bond. Are you people mental?

/—/

I’ve just got back from the Quantum of Solace. Without comparing this to any other Bond or even calling this a Bond movie, this is undoubtedly the worst movie I’ve seen in such a long time. There was action ALL THE TIME! Sound good? Well try and watching that for an hour and a half. It felt longer than the extended box set of lord of the rings. If I had to download the script then what would it be? 1 kilobyte? The camera-work is shoddy and left me feeling dizzy. It was cutting all over the place and was more suited to a movie like the Blair Witch Project. Until about half way through I was quite alert then all of a sudden my head just dropped and I realised how boring the movie was. There’s NO STORY, NO GADGETS, NO Q, NO DIALOGUE. Most of the acting wasn’t bad but then again there wasn’t anything to act with. The stunt guys should have been paid more than the actors. No this isn’t a good Bond movie. It’s not even a good action movie. I can’t tell you what it’s about because I don’t know and I don’t care. How on earth it has a score over 7 on here astounds me because after the movie I was listening out for reactions from a full cinema and didn’t hear anything positive. Casino Royale puts this rubbish to shame. Sack the director, sack the script writers and sack the camera team.

/—/

O.K. all Bond fans are aware of that the Q-made gadgets do not exist in reality, that the MI6 has no alpha male 00X agents and that the gargantuan terror weapons of the Bond villains could not exist in physical reality etc. etc. BUT…this is all Bond is about!

If you want to see ‘realistic’ or closer-to-the-reality action and violence, probably every kid on this planet knows, this not Bonds business, go and watch something else like Jason Burne in action! 

We do not need a modernized more realistic Bond, we do not want a grounded average secret agent every pencil pusher could identify with. There was no need at all, to show all Bond fans that a real agent is not like James Bond. We already knew it, Dadgummit!

Bond is and must be larger than live! The super macho with super gadgets like super cars and super chicks and a laser shooting wristwatch, and not-so-subtle product placements in every Bond flick.

That is what i want to see, and not that crap we have seen in the last two ‘Bond’ movies.

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